I have a daughter, she's two and she is really amazing.  Gifted in so many ways she never stops shocking me, and I'm pretty shock proof because I believe in the impossible.  But today... she does it again.

 

You'll gather from my last blog that the man I love isn't here with me right now.  He live a long ways away and I miss him alot, and it's really hard.  Anyways, I'm really missing him and I wanted to talk to him this afternoon.  Was sitting here waiting on him to get back online and my daughter was laying in my bed.  She looks at me and says "Mama sad," and I told her that yes I was.  (I will always be honest with my daughter, especially if she senses something right on.)  I told her that I wanted to talk to Neo (a pet name we have for Abaris).  She goes over, gets her little pink Barbie cell phone and proceeds to dial.  She says "Hi Neo. Mama need talk Neo.  Come visit please ok"  And she looks at me like it's all ok now.

 

In her little mind its so simple.  I miss him and I want to talk to him, so why doesn't he just put on his shoes, get in his car and come visit?  Every second I wish it was as simple as that.  When I breathe and he's not here it hurts.  Our lives are so complicated, there's a million things floating around that need to be dealt with.  In a child's mind life is so uncomplex.  But I don't have a child's mind.

 

There's never enough time, atleast it doesn't feel like it right now.  We spend alot of time talking, and the instant we're not talking... I feel so alone and empty.  I'm not either of those things... but the space hurts.  He said something this morning that was so obvious and so profound... "I have come to realize that until im there you wont stop crying. that until that day things will make you cry. It tears me up inside to know u are mourning me and im right here."  It's true, I mourn someone who is always with me.  He asked me not to cry today, and I'm really really trying not to.  I just wish it was all as simple as it seems to a child's mind.

 

My daughter is the "repairer of the breach" and there's so many layers to that.  She's sitting on my bed with her cell phone right now, chatting away to Abaris.  And you know what?  I bet he hears her.

Alot of people say I have a way with words... and on occasion I do claim to be a writer.  Hehe.  But sometimes... sometimes, I just can't find the words that I want.  It's like I don't even know exactly what it is I'm trying to say.  And then... something comes along that is just the perfect expression of inside ya know?  Driving to work today I came across one of those things.  It made me cry, and I'm sitting here reading the lyrics and I'm still crying.  I changed it just slightly to better fit me.  (IE: guy to girl lol)

We're just two people
Riding in circle
That's spinning around
Just everyday people
Searching for something
We've already found

And I'm just a girl
Who's in love with a guy
Not in front of me
Now you're so far away
And I need you right here in my arms

Baby just run
Take a bus,Take a plane
Take a train
Baby just run
Run as fast as you can
Love, you'll find your way back
'Cause no matter wherever you are
There's no place on this earth thats to far,
Run

We're just two people
Wishing that we were together tonight
Just everyday people
Trying to make sense of this puzzle called life

And I'm just a girl
Who's in love with a guy
Not in front of me
Now you're so far away
And I need you right here in my arms

So baby just run
Take a bus,Take a plane
Take a train
Baby just run
Run as fast as you can
Love, you'll find your way back
'Cause no matter wherever you are
There's no place on this earth thats to far,
Run

Sooner or later it's over
Passing you by and it's gone
There's not enough time left to wonder
If your where you belong

Take a bus,Take a plane,Take a train
So baby just run
Take a bus,Take a plane,Take a train

Baby just run
Run as fast as you can
Love, you'll find your way back
'Cause no matter wherever you are
There's no place on this earth thats to far,
Run

So that's it... /cry